Ben Harvey: More things that make me hot and cross as gripefest 2026 continues

The great gripefest of 2026 continues! Before we recommence, a quick recap for readers who are new to this page (where have you been all this time?). At the start of the year, I set myself a challenge to list 100 everyday things that annoy the hell out of me and which I hope will disappear in 2026. I put a bottle of Penfolds Bin 389 up as a prize for the best gripe sent to me at the email at the top of this page. There is some stiff competition for that plonk, I can tell you. Some of you make Oscar the Grouch look like he’s got a sunny disposition. I haven’t added up what number we’re up to, but I am sure that the following list of things that grind my gears will push us well past the halfway mark. Hot cross buns Not just that they’re on sale a day after Christmas, I’m talking about the flavours. Vegemite I could tolerate but cheesy jalapeno? Good Lord. People who have no mobile phone etiquette (No. 1) On January 13, 2004, a retired police officer named Curtis Reeves walked into a film theatre in Florida. The man next to him was texting non-stop and the beeping and flashing of was ruining Curtis’s movie experience. Curtis asked the guy to put his phone away. The guy threw his popcorn at Curtis. Curtis took out a gun and shot the guy dead. A lot of people were appalled that Curtis beat the ensuing murder charge. I was appalled Curtis didn’t get a Congressional Medal of Honour. People who umm and ahh before ordering at a Bunnings sausage sizzle One with or one without. It doesn’t require that much thought! Slow drivers Especially those who speed up when the overtaking lane approaches. Six Seven If you know, you know, if you don’t, it’s too absurd to explain. People who have no mobile phone etiquette (No. 2) This time I’m talking about blokes who use their mobile phones whilst standing at the urinal. I don’t care if you piss on yourself but if I get hit, I will make you eat the urinal cake. Drivers who park in restricted areas Most of you probably think that fraudulently pulling into a disabled bay is the worst parking crime. It’s not. The worst crime is parking in the trailer zone at Bunnings when you don’t have a trailer. Being ripped off everywhere, all the time Coles now sells broccoli by the kilogram, knowing full well that half the weight is in the inedible stalk. I once stood at my local supermarket offering to tear the base off for little old ladies as they shopped, an act of public service for which I hope one day to be awarded a Congressional Medal of Honour. Why does life feel like one endless scam at the moment? Bunnings is the only place I don’t feel like I’m about to lose the plot (unless someone takes too long to order their sausage in a bun or has incorrectly parked in a trailer zone). People who cannot take a phone number down I am sure I have bitched about this before, but I had a moment last week that was so infuriating my pee is still boiling from the experience, so I’m venting again. There are two ways a conversation about a phone number should play out. The first involves the person taking the number remaining silent the entire time. In this scenario, the issuer of the number knows what’s happening because, after leaving a small pause at the end of the recitation of the first four numbers, the other person hasn’t talked. Having established the protocol, the caller continues until the number is finished, knowing that the recipient will acknowledge safe passage by repeating the number back. The second way to convey a number involves intermittent acknowledgment. Using the made-up number 0499 555 111, that should sound something like this. You: 0499 (small pause) Them: (sensing small pause) Yep You: 555 (small pause) Them: (sensing second small pause) Yep You: 111 Them: Got it. Silence and intermittent acknowledgement are equally valid, but you cannot change protocol mid-number lest the conversation turns into a shemozzle, thus. You: 0499 (small pause) Moron on the other end of the line: (sensing small pause) Yep You: 555 (small pause, assuming you are dealing with an intermittent-acknowledger) Moron: Silence This is where the train goes off the tracks. You assume the other person, who has presented early as an intermittent-acknowledger, is taking a little longer than normal to take the number, so you afford them some extra time. After a few seconds of silence, and now confused, you plough on with the final set of numbers. Just as you say “111” the moron on the end of the line switches from silence back to intermittent acknowledgement by saying “yep” at the same time you are speaking. They don’t hear you properly and are now confused about whether the last set of figures is, in fact, the final set, or whether they are receiving a revised set of middle numbers. One day there will be nuclear war because of this kind of miscommunication. Health scaremongering A few years ago, certain milk brands started promoting themselves as being paraben-free. I had no idea what parabens were but suddenly I was worried about consuming them. And I’m pretty sure most brands of milk in this country never contained parabens in the first place.